So Good It Makes You Cry

Gotta love The Onion...

Underfunded Schools Forced To Cut Past Tense From Language Programs

WASHINGTON—Teaching students how to conjugate verbs so that they can describe events that have already occurred is a luxury many schools cannot afford.

How hard would it be to speak sans past tense? Let's see if I can recap my morning.

I get out of bed late because the air in my apartment is frigid and I am reluctant to emerge from beneath my warm blankets. I get ready for work and head to the 6 train, where, amazingly, one is waiting. I get on the train and exit six stops later. I then make a bee-line for Starbucks, where I spend no less than 20 minutes anxiously awaiting my Venti Nonfat Chai Latte. It might be above freezing outside, but it is going to snow today. I arrive at work roughly 12 minutes late.

Okay, I admit, we need the past tense, even if we don't need to live in the past. Some good stuff from the article:

WASHINGTON—Faced with ongoing budget crises, underfunded schools nationwide are increasingly left with no option but to cut the past tense—a grammatical construction traditionally used to relate all actions, and states that have transpired at an earlier point in time—from their standard English and language arts programs.

Gotta love it! And here's the kicker:

Regardless of the recent upheaval, students throughout the country are learning to accept, and even embrace, the change to their curriculum.

"At first I think the decision to drop the past tense from class is ridiculous, and I feel very upset by it," said David Keller, a seventh-grade student at Hampstead School in Fort Meyers, FL. "But now, it's almost like it never happens."