The Name Game

Gwyneth Paltrow named her firstborn Apple. Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's daughters are Rumer, Scout and Tallulah. The wacky celebrity baby-name game doesn't stop there, though. Here's a link to a list of some of the oddest names given to the children of the rich and famous. These are a couple of my personal favorites:

Frank Zappa named his children Dweezil (son), Ahmet Emuukha Rodan (son), Moon Unit (daughter), and Diva Muffin (daughter).

Robert Rodriguez named his five children Rocket, Racer, Rebel, Rogue (all boys) and his daughter Rhiannon.

Rob Morrow and Debbon Ayer named their daughter Tu Simone Ayer. This makes her name, effectively, Tu Morrow. And here's a fun fact: Ayer means yesterday in Spanish.

Penn Jillette of the comedic duo of magicians Penn & Teller named his daughter Moxie Crimefighter.

And it's not just celebrities who are getting creative with what to call their offspring. Recently, in New Zealand a judge did not allow a couple to name their child 4Real, saying numerals could not be used. Check out that story here. Closer to home, my mom told me she once met a student whose given name was spelled quite unfortunately. His name is pronounced "Ty-ree," but spelled "Tire." I personally know of a girl whose parents named her Tyranny. Do these people have a dictionary? They might as well have opted to call her "Totalitarianism."

I applaud creativity, but this is absolutely absurd. Is it time to establish some sort of Department of Names for the sole purpose of making sure that no child will ever have to endure the endless torment that will inevitably ensue after his parents name him Tire? I've got six pregnant friends (and counting), and I expect that they will have the necessary compassion to name their as-yet unborn children something that won't cause undue teasing.

Tracy-Tracy-Bo-Bacy-Banana-Fanna-Fo-Facy-Me-My-Mo-Macy, TRACY! I think I did just fine. Thanks, Mom and Dad!